DOS AND DON’TS WHEN A CHILD DISCLOSES ABUSE
DOS AND DON’TS WHEN A CHILD DISCLOSES ABUSE
If you suspect a child may have been abused or
is at risk of abuse, it is not up to you to try to prove your
suspicions. Trying to do this may contaminate or ruin the investigations and
may put the child at further risk. If you suspect that a child is being or has
been abused or a child/adult discloses abuse, you must report this information
to an organisation that deals with children. The investigation will be done by
people who are experts.
If you have
seen or heard something that makes you suspect child abuse, remember these:
Do’s
Control your Emotions
v Try to be calm and to be relaxed.
v Do not look shocked, disgusted or say something
about whom you think may have abused the child.
v Control your feelings and be supportive to the
child.
Offer Comfort
Support
children by letting them know that:
v They were very brave to open up.
v You are glad they are telling you about this
v You are sorry
that this has happened to them
v They are not alone- this happens to other children too
v You will do everything you can to help
v You are there to love and support them
Be Aware of the Child’s Age and Skills
v Accept
the words a child uses (including slang words) to describe what happened. Some
children do not know the right words for body parts or sexual behaviours. Do
not correct or change the words the child uses- it is extremely important for
the investigation that the child’s words are used when telling what happened.
v
Do not use words that may frighten the child, for example rape, incest,
child abuse, wife assault or jail.
Ask Questions That let The Child Tell The Story in His/her Own Words
v
“Can you tell me what happened”
v
“What happened next”
v
“How did you get that bruise”
Don’ts
Do not stigmatise or blame the child by
asking questions such as:
“How can you say those things
about..?”
“Liar”
“That horrible man has ruined you
forever”
“How could you let him do those things
to you?”
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
Children may “take back” what they
said and this is called recanting. These children continue to need your love
and support.
Do not
v
Ask questions that suggest what happened or who did it for example “Did
you get that bruise because mhamha hit you with a brush?”
v
Question what the child tells you for example, by asking. “Are you sure
it was sekuru?”
v
Interrupt or add your own words when the child stops talking
v
Ask children “why” something may have happened. Many children may think
you are blaming them for what happened.
v
Try to change the mind of a child who has recanted or changed his/her
story
v
Keep on asking questions because you want to try to prove abuse
Respect The Child Who Discloses
v
If a child is telling, listen
v
If a child is quiet, do not try to make him/her talk
v
Do not force a child to undress if you suspect s/he may have injuries
v
Do not show off child injuries to others.
Tell The Child What Will Happen Next
v
Do not make promises you cannot keep, for example, do not agree to keep
what the child said is a secret. It is important to explain to the child that
some secrets must be shared in order to get help, or to keep people from being
hurt. Tell the child the information will be shared only with people who will
try to help
v
Answer the child’s question as simply and honestly as possible. Do not
make up answers. For example, if a child asks, “Will baba have to go to jail
now?” You can say you don’t know.
v
Do not tell the child to keep any of your discussions with him/her
secret.
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